Observations on Turning 22

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April 5, 2019, if God’s willing, I will turn 22 years old. What am I supposed to be doing and how should I act as I turn 22?

Over the past years, I’ve been messing around, questioning about passion, purpose, significance, value, self-worth, and contentment. It all came from a standpoint of combined fears, worries and doubts- the top emotions holding people back. To be clear and exact, it all started with a dream, a dream maybe inspired by the feeling of being deprived. Well, I can say that I got all I needed but not what I wanted. Nonetheless, I’m super grateful for where I’ve been.

I was really that kind of a dreamer. I dreamed of becoming an accountant, so I followed the track but I failed, then I abandoned the dream and shifted to a bigger dream. I dreamed of cozy house over viewing mountains and wide green garden. I dreamed of car, a travel and the companion. I dream of a loving community, seeing a brighter future behind every child’s smile. I dream of a progressive society, having the balanced economy. I have a head full of dreams- dreams not to be put in writing but in action. But as I turn older, I started to contemplate what my dreams really mean to me. It’s not actually the dream, it’s the why.

Like others, I can say that being in my early 20’s is the stage of confusion. It’s not that I don’t know yet what I really want, but it’s the doubt of being capable of being it and being unsure if it’s really His plan. I’m fully aware of a bigger responsibility ahead of me. Shifting to “less of me, more of you” perspective scares me. Afraid of being judged that I might be using His name on becoming a vessel in the marketplace, not on the normal so called “charity/not for profit organization”. My mind and heart is still battling weather to fully submit to an organization of His, afraid of deviating myself from the common touch of people I value nor met in life, just because we are divided by religion, afraid of being religious, yet unspiritual. There are a lot of questions running on my mind right now.

As I look back over the 22 years of my life, the myopic situation starts to fade. The famous Steve Job quote says ” You can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backward”. Looking backward, there are events in my life that I can’t appreciate which caused me to question why- why me? But I didn’t know that He has paved the path in order for me to see clearly and fully appreciate the past, present and the bright future lying ahead of me. Looking forward, yet looking backward, being 22 means having more years ahead of me. For the next years of my life, I see myself doing what I really love, less complaining , living my life 24/7 – not for the weekends , not for the holidays. Reverse engineering life, I don’t want to be the 50 year-old me, full of regrets, wondering what if I’ve done this, what if, what if, what if. I got all I needed and I couldn’t ask for more. I had more than enough, I wanted a life well lived.

Note: Inspired by Observations on Turning Eighty-Two by Charlie Daniels

Awaken

There will always come a time to let go of the negativities in life.😍
It doesn’t mean to be perfect all the time.
It doesn’t mean to trust that everything will go well knowing the real situation.
We’re hurting so much because we’re ignoring the sad truth.
We’re setting ourselves comfortably in a cultural place against our beliefs, values and emotions.
Little by little, this environment will hide our integrity and revive inauthentic personality.

Sometimes, we think of ourselves as the common denominator.
Whatever sh*t that happened to us, it’s our own doing, we should be the one to be blamed.
Whatever success and winning we had, we owe these to other people.

Into a deeper realization, we cannot implement a little change to impact a massive society led by authority. The only option available is to walk, run or take a ride, whatever means of transportation we choose, we will definitely arrive into our destination and sometimes it’s not the destination we’re after for, it’s the feeling of calmness knowing that we left 😍 because we deserve something better.

2018: A Beautiful Trauma

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Photo by IMAMA LAVI on Pexels.com

We’ve reached the last month of year 2018. For me the year of fall down yet by choosing how to respond it’s also the year of drastic twist. The financial market started well, towards the year it’s going down, massive loss yet a lifetime lesson. This is a great time to take a reflection and an audit of our life. We may think that we’re knocked out by struggles, misery, or bad luck the whole year. The truth is whatever bad experience we think we had, is preparing us for a far better experience in the future. Sometimes, the higher universe is talking to us in a unique way, we had to use our heart more than our mind to accept God’s plan for us. If ever, we discovered His plan for us, fears may set in. We may think that we’re not yet ready nor we’re too young for a calling but He doesn’t give us something we can’t. Continue reading “2018: A Beautiful Trauma”

Unexplainable

The cursor is blinking for a while….
No right words can be found
To describe the feelings you have inside.
Just a few tear drops falling from your eyes.

Confused by the riddle of your fragile heart
The innocence of youthfulness,
And the vulnerable being of who you are.

A broken heart, an empty soul…..
Searching for passion and purpose of life.
It may takes you a couple or more times,
Just remember to always follow your heart 

Rediscover

Everyday we set ourselves for some sort of motivation.
We needed something to keep us going.
For family? For our dreams? For what?
For something we don’t really want,
But is somewhat certain because everyone elses does?

A little bit of meditation and reflection.
Why are we giving advice with a limited knowledge?
We didn’t intend to do so, all we want is to share our story.
To be heard not for the sake to be heard but to give value to someone’s life, even in the smallest possible way.
We ask ourselves, why are we not excelling in a certain field?
Is it because we’re better at something else we didn’t discover?